It's been said that in literature, "classics" are the books that everyone knows and loves but nobody really ever reads anymore. And if it hasn't been said, I just said it, and don't tell me it's not true. What's scary, to me at least, is that some of my favorite video games are quickly falling into that same category. Classics. Games that everyone knows and loves but nobody really ever plays anymore. I wonder how many gamers out there, if handed that old, rectangular Nintendo controller, could play the Original Super Mario Bros. correctly - that is, do things like the 1-up trick or enter the Minus World with the ease of a seasoned veteran. I bet some of the people reading this article even, would have to check out Wikipedia just to know what I'm talking about right now. Admittedly, I didn't play the Atari when I was little, so I can't say I've been there from the beginning, but I don't think any Atari fanboy is going to threaten my life for thinking that Nintendo represents what video games were in the 1980s and early 90s. Sure, there was a difference between Atari and the 8-bit world of the Nintendo Entertainment System, but it really isn't comparable to what we've got today. There's an exponential difference between the 8-bit world and the polished look of fully 3-D, photo-realistic gaming. Not that technology is a bad thing - I like Halo as much as the next guy, but I think we're fast approaching a generation that won't understand the finer points of rescuing the Princess. For crying out load, who's going to rescue the Princess?
Okay, you're probably wondering why I suddenly decided to care so much. I guess it comes down to the fact that recently, I ventured away from my comfort zone at work and took over the video game section. For a handful of days, I answered every question imaginable about PS2 memory cards, why nobody is buying our tremendous shipment of PS3s, and when the next shipment of the Nintendo Wii is coming in (and before you ask, I honestly don't know - they're direct from the manufacturer). One thing I picked up on was that today's youth are downright insulting when it comes to video games. I actually heard a ten-year-old boy say to his mother "Finally Nintendo is making something good." To which, his mother replied, "Honey, I remember when Nintendo was the only thing out there." The boy looked at her with a blank stare and eventually said "That must have sucked." Because of this spreading epidemic, I believe it's time for true gamers to step up and revive the good old days. I'm not talking about throwing out your Wii or spitting on Master Chief. I'm simply saying there are a handful of "classic" games that everyone knows and loves but nobody really plays anymore. Since these games are recognized as "classics" by everyone, including non-gamers, a true gamer should be able to wipe the floor with anyone else while playing these titles.
I.) Super Mario Bros.
The one that made video games mainstream. Everyone was playing Super Mario Bros. when it came out. Sort of like news about Anna Nicole Smith, it was everywhere. Any respectable gamer should be able to pick up a controller and beat the entire game in one sitting without once lifting his left thumb from the forward-right button. Your brain should contain some kind of extra-sensory appendage that allows you to play the game without thinking. It should be involuntary. You pick up the controller, you make Mario run, you jump on those Goombas, and you save the Princess. The end. Then you repeat the process after downing some Orange Julius.
II.) Tetris
You should be able to impress everyone with your abilities at stacking blocks and doing it faster than anyone else within a twelve mile radius. And with this one, there's absolutely no excuse. You can play it in your browser right now by clicking the link off to the right. If you're reading this, I expect you to click that link and forfeit at least a good half hour of your time (after you finish this article anyway).
III.) Space Invaders
Think you had your hands full with the Flood in level six of Halo? Forget everything you've learned about being outnumbered by a seemingly infinite onslaught of deadly, computer-generated enemies. Until you've found yourself mixed up in a serious battle with nervous eyes and sweaty palms, hiding behind the sandbags in Space Invaders, you've never known the meaning of difficult. The funny part about this game is the fact that everyone and there brother has played it, but not too many people continue to play it after they've passed the first wave of enemies. The point of the game is seeing how long you can go. If you're going to give up after the first wave, don't even bother playing. An added bonus with this game is the fact that the creators didn't add in any kind of music. It's just the repeated ricochet of neon laser blasts and the sound of your erratic heartbeat, dancing around your living room at one in the AM.
IV.) Pac-Man
You'd be surprised just how challenging four ghosts can be when the only thing they have to do is run around a rectangular labyrinth and scare Pac-Man all day. Again, games these days are superb when it comes to graphics and sound, but rarely are they as challenging as a game of Pac-Man. Don't believe me? Think you could school those ghosts and eat more keys than anyone? Go ahead and try it. I betcha you'll be taken aback by how difficult this game can be for the level of simplicity involved.
V.) Pong
It was the original video game. It didn't need enemies. It didn't need graphics. It didn't let a little thing like being black and white slow it down. It relied on the most essential skill a gamer can have: reflexes. It's still a good test to see just how good your reflexes are. Want to improve your sniping so you can pick off Covenant slime with more skill than any of your drunken friends at the next Saturday night game party? Play Pong.
It's time to put the Xbox 360 away and go back to your roots before the next generation has the chance to ask "what's a warp zone?" ever again.
It's not a nun-chuck and you can't go fishing with it, but it's still cooler looking than any goofy Wii stick out there.
