All that talk about North Korea planning to conduct more nuclear tests got me thinking, and today I set out to build my own full-proof, bona fide bomb shelter. I wanted to do a really impressive job so I could brag to the neighborhood all about my high-tech, underground, life saving, titanium-reinforced, hiding place, so that when nuclear winter sets in, I would have some fond memories of showing it off before it was too late and nobody would ever get to see it again. Instead, I went on the cheap and used a carboard box for the bulk of it. It was a big cardboard box though, so I feel a little bit better about copping out this time. So yeah, it's a cardboard box. For ventilation purposes, I cut a hole in the top and plugged it with an empty paper towel roll. At this point, I was pretty happy with it. It didn't look like it could survive a nuclear attack, but it was better than having nothing at all. To make it functional, I super-glued cockroaches all over it, because as everyone knows, nothing can kill those little devils. If an atomic blast hits anywhere nearby, their tiny bodies will surely protect my bomb shelter. When I was all done doing that, I filled it up with my computer (so I could still post from time to time during the fallout) and Spam (yes, the kind you eat, not the kind you get in your inbox), because I figure if you're going to stock up on canned meat for a bomb shelter, it had better be American-esque canned meat. You gotta support your country in its first ever nuclear war, after all. Aw, darn it. I just realized I put too much Spam in my shelter. I can't fit in there with all that canned meat taking up so much space.
