"Enuff jibba-jabba fool! Vote Demublican or I keel you."- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Mr. T allows to live.
- Mr. T never shaves. He just shoots himself in the face every morning so his facial hair doesn't get the wrong idea.
- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Mr. T could use to kill you, including the room itself.
- The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Mr. T punched himself in the face.
- Mr. T can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Mr. T, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
- Mr. T once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
- If you were to lock Mr. T in a room with a guitar, about a year later you would have the greatest album ever recorded and it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this, Mr. T replied: "Because Grammy's are for queers." He then ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
- The idea for the show "MacGuyver" came from the time Mr. T went on a road trip and single-handedly wiped out the entire population of Salt Lake City with his shoe and a paper clip.
- The term "baker's dozen" was created because Mr. T scared the baker so much that he gave him an extra donut.
- Few people know that "The A-Team" was completely true. The only thing the producers invented was that the A-Team had been in Vietnam. If Mr. T had actually been fighting for the US in Vietnam, Saigon would be the capital of America's fifty-first state right now.
So there you have it. If you vote for anyone else in the 2008 election, it's either because you didn't read the above factoids, or you want Mr. T to kill you in your sleep. One of the two. I'm sure he'll be pretty jazzed to hear that he's going to take the wheel here in America. In fact, he might just invent another holiday to honor the occasion. That's right - I said another holiday. Who else did you think was behind such incredible holidays as Mother's Day and Thanksgiving? Created of course because of Mr. T's two favorite things in life: his mom and turkey.
I'm not sure if my campaign is going to change the minds of voters across the country, but so help me, I'm going to try. America needs Mr. T now more than ever, so spread the word! Let's get the man in the runnings. He's black, he's back, and he's angrier than ever at the sucka's who doubt his greatness. So shut yo foo' self up and give him no lip. Vote T or DIE! At the very least, he should get another shot at Sly Stallone in the next Rocky flick. Yeah, that's right...they're actually making another Rocky movie. I'll be doing a write-up on that one pretty soon. Anyway, I don't think there's a country in this world that would screw with the United States under Mr. T's administration. And if someone did, he'd get with Hannibal, Face, and Murdock, and run them over with his van pretty friggin' quick.
